Social Health

Healthy Buffs: How to make the most of tough conversations

Anonymous — Sun, 03 May 2020 17:30:19 +0000

Healthy Buffs: How to make the most of tough conversations Anonymous (not verified) Sun, 05/03/2020 - 11:30

Spending time with family can be as stressful as it is enjoyable, especially in times like these. That’s why it’s important to remember that we can love our family and disagree with them at the same time. This type of conflict is normal and doesn't necessarily need to be resolved.

With that being said, it's important that we communicate our thoughts and views with respect and be willing to consider what the other person has to say. Here are some tips to help you get through a tough conversation.

Starting a tough conversation

Plan ahead
Sometimes you may be the one to start a tough conversation with someone else. When this is the case, preparing for the conversation in advance can be helpful. Planning ahead assures you are able to share your views and hear your family’s perspective more effectively. Take a few minutes to consider these questions:

What do you hope to accomplish from this conversation?
What would be an ideal outcome?
How might this conversation affect your relationship?
How will you know when it’s time to take a break?
What assumptions are you making about how your family will respond or feel?

Before going into a potentially stressful conversation, it’s important to check-in with ourselves about what we’re expecting and what might realistically happen, so we can prepare emotionally.

If you’re not the one to initiate the conversation, it can be helpful to ask for time to pull your thoughts together before engaging with the other person. Make a plan and pick a time when you both can talk. This will help you feel more prepared, and the conversation won’t catch you off guard.

Working through a tough conversation

Pick a quiet time
It may be difficult to start a tough conversation. Choosing a quiet area to talk, finding a time that works for all parties, explaining why you want to have this conversation and sharing what you hope will come of it can all make for a better interaction.

De-escalate or take a break
When we have tough conversations, they can become heated or escalate more than we might have expected. When this happens, it may even lead you to say something that you regret. In these situations, de-escalating is an important tool to bring everyone back to the facts. Reiterate why this conversation is important and that you value the other person.

If the volume ticks up, use your own voice to bring it back down; if you find yourself getting frustrated, take a moment and breathe before speaking again. If need be, ask to take a break and return to the conversation after everyone has time to cool off. Perhaps everyone needs to take a short walk, have a snack or get a good night’s sleep.

Moving forward

Reflect and follow up if needed
While it would be nice, change doesn’t happen overnight. Conversations don’t always resolve the way we’d like, and more often than not, seeing progress requires a series of conversations and a willingness to keep trying. If things feel like they’re unresolved, let the person know that you appreciate their time and you’d like to follow up with them in the future. Give them some time and space before engaging again. If things are resolved more quickly, share your appreciation and gratitude with the other person and let them know you value their help and input.

Resources

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) offers individual and drop-in counseling appointments virtually using telehealth. Call 303-492-2277 to make an appointment. CAPS counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources. Students commonly visit with concerns about stress, sadness, worry, relationships, academic performance, family problems and financial struggles.

Conflict Resolution has a variety of resources for students who are looking to improve their skills around conflict. Students can take a quiz to find out their conflict style and how it may affect them. You can also enroll in virtual conflict coaching to get more insight into your specific situation. For more information on Conflict Resolution workshops, contact ConflictResolution@colorado.edu or call 303-492-5550.

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Here are some tips to help you get through a tough conversation.

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How to stop the social media spiral

Anonymous — Wed, 06 Mar 2019 18:01:57 +0000

How to stop the social media spiral Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 03/06/2019 - 11:01

Social media can be a great place to keep up with friends, make plans or hear about events. At the same time, it can be a bombardment of news and information, which can get stressful. Here are some tips for navigating social media in a healthy way.

What are some of the impacts of social media use?

Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, whether it’s seeing updates from them or arranging lunch dates. It also facilitates a sense of social connection and shared experience.

However, when overused, social media can negatively impact your physical and mental health. When you’re preoccupied with social media, you can become less attentive to doing things like going to bed on time, engaging in conversations when out with friends or paying attention in class.

With the amount of information that comes through various news feeds, you may also see things that evoke a variety of reactions. Social media makes it easy to compare yourself to other people, which can lead to anxiety and feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Seeing friends or family members post about values that may not align with your own can also contribute to feelings of stress.

How can you minimize the negative impacts?

One step you can take is to decrease the amount of time you spend on social media. Here are a few of ideas to get you started:

Move social apps off of your home screen. Having an extra step can reduce the urge to open the app as soon as you get on your phone.
Schedule specific times to check social media or set a timer to limit yourself to 20-30 minutes at a time.
Put your phone on silent or use “do not disturb” features. If you don’t hear a tone or vibration every time you get a notification, you may be less tempted to check your social media accounts.
Take a break from social media or limit the number of apps you use. Try sticking to apps that you use the most to communicate with people.

It’s also good to be critical of social media. Remember that what you’re seeing is usually someone else’s highlight reel, and isn’t typical of their day-to-day life.

How can you use social media in a more positive way?

There are steps you can take to help you have more positive experiences when using social media:

Use social media as a way to plan face-to-face meetings. Whether it’s in person or over video, you’re more likely to have more meaningful connections through face-to-face contact.
Be mindful and intentional of your social media use. This includes things like following people and brands that make you feel good. If you find yourself comparing your life unfavorably to other accounts, consider hitting the unfollow button. Instead, opt to follow accounts that promote positivity, post funny memes or inspirational quotes that make you feel better.

How do you know if social media use has become a problem?

Reflecting on how often or how long you’re using social media can be helpful to understand if it’s getting in the way of our day-to-day activities. If you find that you prefer social media over more direct forms of communication or if you constantly feel the urge to check it, even if there isn’t a notification, it might be time to scale back or adjust your habits.

If you find that you need more support in finding balance, stop by a Counseling and Psychiatric Services’ Let’s Talk location for an informal consultation with a counselor.

Social media: a great way to stay connected or a bombardment of news and information? Here are some tips for navigating social media in a healthy way.

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3 healthy relationship hacks

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Jan 2019 07:00:00 +0000

3 healthy relationship hacks Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 01/30/2019 - 00:00

Our lives are built around relationships: significant others, roommates, family, friends. Regardless of what kind of relationships you have, it takes effort to make them work. Consider these tips for building better relationships.

Know where you stand

Values represent the things you believe, expect, cherish and prioritize in your life. Aligning your life and relationships with these beliefs can help you feel more satisfied and at ease. However, when your life doesn't align with your values, it can create a point of contention, stress or conflict.

The people in your relationships won’t always have the same values as you, and that’s okay. Compromise is natural and unavoidable, and it can be great in small doses.

However, it’s still important to know where you stand and when to draw the line on matters that are important to you. Small compromises are a given in any relationship, but you should be careful not to compromise yourself or our core values for the sake of our relationships. Communicate with the people closest to you, and let them know what is most important to you.

Be reasonable (and honest) about expectations

Understanding exactly what you want out of a relationship is important. Each of us has unique needs, and we often look to our relationships to help fill them. It may take some introspection, but getting a sense of what you want and what you’re asking of others can help you pinpoint the kinds of relationships you are looking for.

Sometimes we expect others to support us in ways that are unrealistic, or in ways that the other person isn’t aware of or is unable to fulfill. Understanding our own needs and expectations is just the first step, though. Being open and communicating these with the people in our relationships is just as important. Take time to sit down and have a conversation about your needs and expectations, and allow the other people in your relationships to do the same.

Practice listening over speaking

We’re all guilty of it: listening just enough so that we can formulate our own response. While you may be able to get away with this in the short term, it’s important to actively listen in your relationships to have the best outcomes long term.

Try taking a step back to really listen to the people in your relationships. Ask questions and clarify what you hear. Giving people your undivided attention helps you to better communicate and makes them feel heard. When it’s your turn to speak, ask for them to do the same. It may take some practice, but it’ll be well worth it in the end.

Our lives are built around relationships: significant others, roommates, family, friends. Consider these tips for building better, healthier relationships.

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Buffs supporting Buffs during Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Abuse Awareness Month

Anonymous — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 22:46:43 +0000

Buffs supporting Buffs during Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Abuse Awareness Month Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 10/03/2018 - 16:46

Intimate partner abuse/domestic violence happens in all communities, and �� Boulder is not exempt. The way we respond matters—our response can influence the survivor’s decision to seek out further help and can affect their healing process.

As part of Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Abuse Awareness Month this October, the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) has provided tips and information on how to support survivors.

Recognize

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner abuse, is best understood as a pattern of abusive behaviors including physical, sexual and psychological abuse, as well as economic coercion. These behaviors are used by one intimate partner against another to gain, maintain or regain power and control in the relationship.

Their partner may:

Control what their partner does, who they see and talk to.
Want to make all the decisions.
Manipulate with insults, guilt and/or threats to harm themselves or others.
Prevent their partner from working, studying or socializing.
Keep close track of where and what their partner is doing at all times.
Be physically, verbally, emotionally and/or sexually abusive.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of sex, age, race, gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.

Respond

Here are a few ways you can support a friend who may have an abusive partner:

Listen and check in on safety. Your friend may have mixed emotions about their relationship.
Talk with your friend about what you are observing.
Give specific examples:
- “I’m afraid for your safety” and “you do not deserve to be treated that way.”
- “I’m concerned when I see your partner control who you can go out with.”
Inform your friend they have rights and options.
Support your friend in doing what they decide is best for them.

Reach out

If you or someone you know has been impacted by domestic violence/intimate partner abuse, reach out to OVA for free and confidential counseling, support and advocacy. Drop-in hours are 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday–Friday in C4C N352, or call 303-492-8855. After-hours contact information can be found on OVA’s website.

Find more information online at the "Get Help" page, and follow the OVA Facebook page for events on support and awareness during October.

Intimate partner abuse/domestic violence happens in all communities, and the way we respond to survivors matters, often influencing their decisions to seek out further help and affecting the healing process.

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Buffs supporting Buffs through traumatic events

Anonymous — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 06:00:00 +0000

Buffs supporting Buffs through traumatic events Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 09/19/2018 - 00:00

Traumatic events happen every day, and the �� Boulder community is not exempt. Students, staff and faculty experience harassment, discrimination, assaults, abuse and more.

The way we respond to a survivor matters—our response can influence the survivor’s decision to seek out further help and can affect their healing process.

Often, people want to help and sometimes do not know how to respond in these situations. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) has provided tips and information on how to support those impacted by a traumatic event.

How to help

If someone shares with you that they have experienced a traumatic event, you should:

Remain calm
Listen
Take the situation seriously
Believe the survivor
Avoid questioning and judging the survivor
Address safety, emotional and physical
Acknowledge their feelings are normal
Inform your friend they have rights and options
Support the survivor in doing what they decide is best for them

For a full list of ways to support a survivor, visit OVA’s website.

Reach out

OVA is a free and confidential on-campus advocacy and counseling center for students, faculty and staff. If you or someone you know has been impacted by harassment, discrimination, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse, stalking, hazing, physical assault and or experiences of bias, reach out to OVA for free and confidential counseling, support and advocacy.

The office is open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., and drop-in hours are 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday – Friday in C4C N352, or call 303-492-8855. After-hours contact information can be found on OVA’s website.

If you have experienced a traumatic or disruptive experience, you can also learn more about your options and how to help by visiting the Don’t Ignore It site.

Traumatic events happen every day, and the �� Boulder community is not exempt. The way we respond to survivors matters, often influencing their decisions to seek out further help and affecting the healing process.

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January is National Stalking Awareness Month

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Jan 2018 22:37:27 +0000

January is National Stalking Awareness Month Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/25/2018 - 15:37

While legal definitions vary, a working definition of stalking is “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.”

According to the Stalking Resource Center, in the United States, over 7.5 million people are stalked each year, with nearly half of all stalking victims (46 percent) facing a least one unwanted contact per week.

The majority of victims are stalked by someone they know (like an ex-partner or roommate), with experiences like having the person show up in places they were not wanted; receiving unwanted telephone calls, voicemails or text messages; being watched or followed from a distance; and being spied on.

Stalking happens in communities across the country, and chances are you know someone who has been stalked. Being someone who takes stalking seriously and is willing to help can make a difference.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a pattern of unwanted contact that is having impact on you, please contact the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) to discuss safety concerns and explore safety planning.

What is stalking?

Stalking happens in communities across the country, and chances are you know someone who has been stalked. Being someone who takes stalking seriously and is willing to help can make a difference.

Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear or alter their everyday activities. The unwanted behaviors can consist of texts, phone calls, emails, social media posts, following someone, spying on someone, leaving unwanted gifts for someone or any combination.

Stalking is against the law in all 50 states and violates �� Boulder’s policies.

To learn more about stalking, call 303-492-8855 or visit ��’s Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) in the Center for Community. Go to the OVA website for tips on how to log unwanted behavior, how to help a friend and more. Also, OVA advocate counselors always are willing to discuss something more with you confidentially, if you want.

More information on national stalking awareness can be found at the Stalking Resource Center.

How to Help a Friend who is Being Stalked

If you know someone experiencing a pattern of behavior that is causing them to feel fear or alter their everyday activities, there are ways to support them.

Take the situation seriously, and leave out judgement.
Ask about, and listen to, what your friend needs to feel safe.
Let your friend know what you are noticing and express your concern.
Encourage your friend to keep a record of what has been happening.
Please note if you have experienced a similar situation, your friend’s reactions and choices may differ, and that is okay.
Consider referring your friend to free and confidential advocacy, counseling and support services at ��’s Office of Victim Assistance (OVA). They can be contacted at 303-492-8855 or assist@colorado.edu.
Be aware that if you start to feel impacted by your friend’s situation, OVA is here for you, too! Getting support for yourself will allow you to be more available for your friend.

To learn more about stalking, visit the Stalking Resource Center and OVA's stalking pages on the “Get Help” tab. Also, look for more information on OVA’s Facebook page.

While legal definitions vary, a working definition of stalking is “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.”

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3 Tips for Better Relationships

Anonymous — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 19:48:24 +0000

3 Tips for Better Relationships Anonymous (not verified) Tue, 01/02/2018 - 12:48

Whether it’s a significant other, a roommate or a family member, a meaningful relationship with another person can be a source of fun, support and happiness. To keep these relationships working well, we all have to put in the time and effort (for ourselves and for them). Consider how these keys to healthy relationships might apply to your life.

Know (and stick to) your values

Our values are the aspects of our lives that we believe are most important. Our values generally determine our priorities and influence our actions. When our actions and our lives generally align with our values, we feel pleased and satisfied; and when they don’t, we can feel sad, stressed or conflicted.

While the people we have relationships with don’t necessarily need to have the same values as us, it is important that the relationship supports our values. Even though we often need to compromise to keep our relationships working well, these compromises should still be true to our values. Compromising at the cost of our values can put us in an unhealthy place that doesn’t feel quite right.

Get reasonable (and honest) with expectations

Understanding what exactly we’re expecting to get from a relationship is important. Each of us has a variety of needs and we sometimes look to our relationships to help fill them. It may take some introspection, but getting a sense of what we want and what we’re asking of others can help us find the kinds of relationships we’re looking for.

Sometimes we expect others to support us in ways that are unrealistic, or in ways that the other person isn’t aware of. By understanding our own expectations and reflecting on how we communicate our needs, we can avoid being let down. This also allows us to better support the needs of the other person.

Listen to hear (and not to respond)

Effective communication is more than just hearing and understanding the words someone says. While the who, where, what and when are important, understanding the why is vital. We understand the why when we really focus on being an active listener.

When a friend tells us about their busy day, we may respond by telling them the million things we have going on too. If we focus on being an active listener instead, we might see that our friend is really stressed and needs our support. Then we can take a step back and be the kind of friend we’d like to have.

When we think about our relationships with others, sometimes we need to start by examining ourselves. When we know what we expect to get out of a relationship, we have a much better idea of what’s going to work in that relationship and what won’t. Effective and open communication helps both people feel like they’re on the same page and allows each person to ask for what they need, while staying true to their values.

Whether it’s a significant other, a roommate or a family member, a meaningful relationship with another person can be a source of fun, support and happiness.

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